’Tis Far Better to Give Than To Receive: The Ultimate Guide to Holiday Gift Etiquette
Holidays this year feels more a haul and daze. And although we’ll admire the lights indoors, no one likes being under the spotlight when opening a gift. It’s not always easy, so here’s a guide to help navigate reactions while accepting all of them — even the bad ones.
The Mystery: When you have no clue what it is.
Sure, it’s the thought that counts, but it’s awfully hard to say thank you when you’re not even sure for what you’re being thankful. Is it a vase, a pepper shaker, a telescope, or a bong? First, try to get the gift-giver to offer a hint. Hold the mysterious item up in front of you and slowly say “This is gor-geous” or “What a great piece!” or “This will definitely come in handy!” while watching for any reaction. No luck? This is when sound effects come in handy. They show affect, without needing to understand effect. “Whoah!” followed by an exclamation such as “You are so artistic honey!” or “It is so special!” masks the need say what it actually is. And, if you live alone and it was a gift sent? You have some practice time before virtually thanking them. If all else fails, claiming faulty wifi can come in handy.
The Boomerang: The gift bound to be returned.
Wrong size? You have two of the same already? Unless there’s a gift receipt it can be tough to locate the source to return or exchange. The key is to milk time while examining the item. Throw in vague words or short statements such as “Interesting!” “Unique!” or “Such intricate details!” If all fails, deploy your biggest weapon: “I love this originality. You ordered this on line?” This shows appreciation while you are crossing your fingers hoping for a “Yes!” followed by the name of the store. Hopeless answers include: “I got it from a boutique going out of business!” “I got it on my cruise last year” or “Aunt Edna made it — right before she passed away!”
The Put-On: When you really don’t like it.
You are counting down the minutes until you can put it away, far away. You can’t let on and risk offending the giver. Incomplete sentences are the way to go here: “You are — “ “I can’t — “ “This is just — “ By leaving the comment ambiguous and incomplete, you generate the idea that you are expressing gratitude without having to actually lie.
The Surprise: When you don’t have a gift to give back
Being given a gift without having one to return is a minefield we will all find ourselves in at one point or another. A secret stash of pre-wrapped and fairly anonymous gifts — think candles — can be a crucial tactic. But if you’re caught completely unprepared, this is one that needs a bit of dramatizing to really sell it. Relax your mouth; it will quiver as if you are overcome with emotion. Put your hand over your heart and useshort words or phrases in a high-pitched key: “Are you kidding?” and “I cannot believe you!” Sustain the last word for extra flair. Let them think you were so overwhelmed by their generosity that you simply forgot to give them theirs, thus buying the time you need to prepare an emergency present. Amazon delivers quickly.
The Hint: The well-intended present
It’s been nine months of binging. Watching whatever possible, just not your weight. Unless you’re married or living with someone, you haven’t even seen anyone except on zoom. So, it’s confirmed when you get the dreaded well-intended present. That new digital scale from E-bay, the new pilates video series, or a new fit bit. The thought that counts can be the thought that cuts. Eek out a “thank you” then help yourself to another sheet cake.
The Home Run: When you get the perfect gift.
In a holiday skirt full of bad gifts, you may come across a diamond in the rough: a truly good gift, given by someone who knows you and has thought deeply about what you will love. It can range from something homemade to something difficult to obtain to something so considerate you didn’t even know you needed it until you got it. Here, the verbal reaction is inversely proportionate to the greatness of the gift. The best ones need few words — just a hug, even if virtual these days.
The treacheries of the gift-giving experience make us all realize the power of that one ancient saying: It is far better to give than to receive.
Susanna Spies is a writer, comedy coach and comedian based in Los Angeles.
You can catch some of these reactions on my tube channel.
https://www.youtube.com/user/susanna2/videos?pbjreload=102
Insta: @Susanna Spies Facebook: @Susanna Spies
Twitter: @Susanna Spies
Originally published at https://www.susannaspies.com on December 16, 2020.
